The fall this year has got me all up in my feelings.
The cool breeze in the mornings in hand with the sunshine takes me back to the age of 7 or so.
Getting up early when the grass has a bit of dew on it, sleep in my eyes and a box full of capri suns and squeeze-its ready for the end of the game celebration. 2-4-6-8 who do we appreciateeeeeeeee.
The weekend soccer games. Each day on my way to work, that is what I’m thinking about. It is the perfect combination of sunshine and autumn air taking me back.
Freezing in the morning and sweating by half time. Orange slices at half time and a smile from mom and dad.
These weekend full of soccer games haven’t crossed my mind before.
I love the way the air feels in the fall but right now, it’s not only the fall air. It feels different and it is taking me back to when I was a little girl.
I think maybe that little girl is trying to catch up to me and where I’m at now.
I miss waking up in the same house as my parents. I miss my mom saying “time to get up” each morning. I miss falling asleep to the sound of my moms voice.
On weekends (he still would if I was there) my dad would come in my room by about 8am and say “RACHEL YOU’RE LATE FOR SCHOOL”. I’d still jump out of bed in a panic. Then I’d be up just to see what was in store from father. Likely a harbor freight run. He LOVES that place.
I miss going to baskin robins every night of the summer for a scoop of ice cream with my dad, driving around listening to Steely Dan and Bye Bye Miss American Pie.
When I was little I dreaded the car/boat/motorcycle/craft show. At about 20 I became interested in them and before I moved these shows had become an annual event.
HappySad.
Looking back is always hard. I wish it made me happy and maybe it will one day but right now, it’s hard, it hurts and it makes me sad. I also feel these emotions when looking too far into the future.
Working on being right here, right now. Soaking up the autumn mornings and letting the sun help me to shine brighter.
The brighter I shine, the brighter you can shine.
Sparkle on friends.
illies
Rachel
Becoming Me 